If there’s one lesson women seem to absorb from a young age, it’s that we’re encouraged to compete with each other. This age-old tactic of misogyny ensures we do the patriarchy’s work for it, often without even realizing it. This competition manifests in various ways—whether it’s feeling envious of a female colleague or struggling with insecurities about our partner’s past relationships. However, it becomes particularly poignant when a partner leaves for another woman, especially if that woman is a global star.

Dr. Lilly Jay recently found herself in such a predicament when her ex-husband, Ethan Slater, began dating his co-star, Ariana Grande. This swift transition sparked widespread speculation, especially as it came on the heels of Grande’s own split from her husband. Dr. Jay, who had relocated to London with their infant son to support Slater’s career, has since articulated the profound impact of her highly publicized divorce in a thought-provoking essay for The Cut.

Expectations may have led readers to anticipate Dr. Jay expressing bitterness or engaging in spiteful criticism of Grande. Yet, her writing reveals a different truth. Rather than belittling another woman, Dr. Jay offers a thoughtful examination of her own emotional turmoil and the challenges she faces under scrutiny. As a psychotherapist, she recognizes her previous anonymity has vanished, compelling her to navigate her new reality while striving to protect her son and maintain a healthy co-parenting dynamic.

Ultimately, her message stands clear: Dr. Jay refuses to succumb to the societal pressure to vilify other women. Instead, she underscores the unnecessary nature of internalized misogyny and highlights that women can, and should, support one another—even in challenging circumstances.