Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law is cheating on her husband, my father-in-law. She has a boyfriend who she goes away with for a week every other month. My small kids, aged three and an infant at five months, often see their grandmother. When she’s not around, they ask about her whereabouts. We tell them she’s out of town. I want to be truthful with my children because I was lied to growing up and it hurt me when I found out, but I also want to protect them. I want them close to their grandparents, just as my husband desires. How and when should I tell them about their grandmother’s affair?
Dear Nana’s Out of Town: The simple answer is: don’t. It’s really not anyone else’s business if two people have an open marriage. Mind your own affairs and let your mother-in-law and father-in-law deal with theirs.
When your kids ask about their grandmother, there are many truthful yet appropriate ways to respond. You can say, “Nana’s got other plans today,” “Nana’s busy,” or “Nana couldn’t make it.” If they question further as they grow older, explain the concept of privacy and boundaries to them.
A helpful thing to remember is that you should always be mindful of your behavior as your kids learn from what they see. Create a relationship atmosphere where honesty, respect, and privacy are highly valued.
Dear Carolyn, I split up from a bad marriage two years ago and I currently have no interest in dating at all. My children feel sorry for me being alone, but I really don’t know if I should force myself to date again or just enjoy my own company for a while.
Dear Anonymous:
There is no need to rush into a relationship after escaping an abusive marriage. Instead of focusing on seeking a romantic bond, strive to build a community of friends. Participate in activities that you find rewarding and fulfilling. Relationships should never feel forced and should only be pursued when you are more than ready.
Throughout the journey of establishing new connections, make sure to observe how you feel around these people. True friends should make you feel respected and free to be yourself. Abuse can often rob you of self-trust, so take the needed time to regain it.
Remember, peace isn’t just about staying alone but also about being with trustworthy friends.
Vocabulary List:
- Affair (noun): A romantic or sexual relationshipusually kept secret.
- Open marriage (noun): A marriage in which both partners agree to have extramarital affairs or relationships.
- Privacy (noun): The state or condition of being free from public attention.
- Boundaries (noun): Limits that define acceptable behavior or actions.
- Respect (noun): A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilitiesqualitiesor achievements.
- Atmosphere (noun): The moodtoneor feelings that exist in a place.
