We’ve all experienced it: a conflict with a partner or a tense situation with a co-worker that hijacks our emotions. In those moments, we often regret our actions and wonder how to handle things better.
Thinking your way through these conflicts can be challenging. According to Erica Schwartzberg, a therapist from Downtown Somatic Therapy, during a heated moment, your rational brain shuts down. This is why trying to “calm down” or “talk rationally” doesn’t work. Instead, you need to calm your body first to think clearly and communicate effectively.
When you’re already overwhelmed, it’s important to adjust your expectations. Toni Teixeria, a clinical social worker, explains that becoming calm is difficult when you’re already stressed. The aim is to re-engage your thinking brain to make better choices.
Simple actions can make a difference in a conflict. Doing small, easy things can help reduce frustration. Schwartzberg emphasises that this approach isn’t about hiding your feelings but creating a gap between emotion and response, so you have better control over how you express yourself.
Here are some quick techniques to help you manage your emotions and respond more effectively.
Taking a small step back in a conflict can physically and mentally shift your position to a safer state, helping to break the stress cycle.
The “horse flutter breath” involves blowing air through relaxed lips to reduce tension. This technique can help your nervous system feel safer.
Shaking your body allows you to release stress and tension, similar to how animals release energy after a threat.
An audible sigh resets your nervous system by activating your body’s calming systems. However, it’s wise to explain your sigh to others to avoid misunderstanding.
The butterfly hug, involving alternating taps on your shoulders, can help reconnect your brain’s emotional and rational centres, offering comfort during conflicts.
Finally, looking around your environment can signal to your brain that you’re safe, helping you to shift your focus and calm down.
These techniques provide practical steps to manage your responses during tense situations.
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